The conversation at Aunt Michele’s was solemn but informative. Well as informative as we could be at the time and it wasn’t very much. Nick was finally asleep and we spoke about my pending situation into the night until I had to excuse myself. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a long trip. I needed to sleep. Lori and Michele were friends for years and years. Best friends from the Bronx. They would catch up for a while and I’m sure Lor needed some time alone without me to talk about how she was feeling. Old friends are good for that.
We got an early start. A quick breakfast and on our way to Orlando. About a 30 minute ride and there it was! Disney World! Nick was so excited! I had never been there either so we were set to go. I kept my best smile face on as best as I could as we rode the rides and went to the attractions and ate fun food. And then…The Lion King Show. Nick loved the Lion King. It was great. A phenomenal show and Nick was loving it! I was holding him up in front of me so he could see better. Then it happened. The scene where Simba watches his father Mustafa die in the stampede while saving him in the last second. It tore me apart. Not knowing if I would be around for him, to save him, to be there for whatever he would need. How could that happen? Only one or two years to live? This wasn’t real was it? Just a baby watching your father die? I pressed my nose to the back of Nicks neck. I smelled his hair, his sweat, his beautiful baby soft skin. And I just kept breathing it in. He didn’t see the tears flowing down my cheeks. The way I was shaking and grabbing him so tight. It was traumatic in the moment for me and I never ever forgot that smell. That incomprehensible feeling of guilt that I would deprive him of a father at such a young age. I had to get out of there. Thank God it was almost over. I held on tight and just kept it together. No way I was leaving my boy. Not now, not ever.
Nick never realized the trauma I was experiencing behind him. He was too young to grasp the situation and he wouldn’t know anything about my battle for a long time. As the day wore down, of course we had to stop in the gift shop. Mickey T’s and Disney Collectibles and of course whatever Nick wanted. As I wandered around the shop waiting for Lori to finish up I noticed a quartz rock that was inscribed with what would stick with me as my mantra for 24 years….”Never Never Quit” it said. This rock would follow me every step of my way. It was gospel. It was true. I would ” Never Never Quit” …that was for sure.
Next up: My wife was 5 months pregnant.