Month: June 2022

As the summer ended and my ass was finally becoming the friend that I needed it to be, peace and tranquility were the new norm in my life. I was like walking on water. No pain, no pus, no swelling and no problems. I felt incredible! So many years of pain and torture gone! Sure it took three months of hell, but right now, it was all worth it! Just in time for the October busy season, heading into Christmas, I was in full speed mode filling up the store and getting ready to play Santa. Nick was back from sunny California, taking his three final courses that he needed to graduate from Temple, then would be heading back to LA again to begin his career In Risk Management. We were so excited for him. His graduation from Temple University would be in the second week of February. A great ceremony, post lunch celebration and then right to Philly Airport a few days later where his new adventures would begin to take flight.

In the end of October, Nick came into our bedroom one evening to discuss the move to his new diggs in Redondo Beach. A shared triplex where Nick would occupy the basement for $1200 per month. A nice setup near the beach. But wait, there was more. He handed Lori his phone while announcing to us that he was now in a relationship. Lori looked at the screen and said ” Oh, it’s a guy?”. She went to hand me the phone and I just put my hand up. I didn’t want to see it. A difficult, awkward, unexpected moment for both of us. The pain of my response was evident as Nick became very emotional and asked me” What did I ever do to you?”. He rushed out of our bedroom in tears, obviously hurting. I had no words. Nick being gay was always a reality of mine for his entire life. The many, many girl friends, but never a relationship. The summers on the beach, girls going out of their way to gain his eye but never any response by Nick. Even girls giving him phone numbers to no avail. I knew the day would come when he would be ready to jump that proverbial fence. After all, my oldest first cousin Bill came out as gay after birthing five children and being married to his wife for 16 years! Being ready for it was another thing. I felt so bad when he left the room. I knew that I had hurt him. It took so much guts for him to reveal his truth to us and relieve the anxiety that was building up inside of him for so many years. I texted Joey in Canada. Apparently, Joe was the first to know. They were brothers who were pretty close and even though Joey was in Canada, living and playing hockey, Nick would reveal his secret to him first. Thankfully, that went well. Meanwhile, Rome was burning in Doylestown. A quiet, tense night and a massive announcement to digest. Nick was right. He had never given me reason not to be anything but proud of him. Never! A wonderful, intelligent, warm, caring, helping and phenomenal student and person. Loved by everyone. Pure gold. This wasn’t his problem, it was mine. Lori understood the complexity of the situation and gave me some space and time to digest. I love this boy more than life. He has been nothing but the perfect son in our lives..so handsome, so smart, so accomplished. He grew up in such an awful situation with my Leukemia. The week would prove to be quite emotionally intense. Something had to give. I needed to open up, handle the situation.

Meanwhile, I had a long conversation with a jewelry vendor that I’ve had a thirty year relationship with during the week. We spoke of Nick and the situation at hand. He asked me if I had heard about another jewelry store owner in New Jersey who was recently in the same situation. His son had come out to the family. He was nineteen years old and headed to college. That situation went way worse. The boys father physically harmed the young man, threw him out of the house and cut him off financially. No money, no home, no college and no love. How awful. A week later, the boy went missing and the family found out that their son had hung himself. How awful is that? I couldn’t imagine!!

After our conversation, I immediatly called my Nick and told him how much I loved him, how wonderful he is and how I would make sure that I would support him in everything he did. “His Name is Elliot…dad”, he said. “Got it buddy. I love you son”. “Give me some time, I’m still your biggest fan”. I hung up the phone and cried. When I got home, I hugged him so hard. My son is gay. So what? It had to be so hard and take a huge amount of courage to make this known to Lori and I…and the world. Live your life Nick. I got your back. I love you so much…I Promise… Dad.

Next Up: Bang!!!

My path to wellness all summer was wraught with potholes and problems. It was late September and all was quiet on the Southern front. Nick was back home from California, completing his internship with the Hiscox Insurance Group. He needed two more classes to graduate from Temple University with his dual Real Estate and Risk Management degree. Hiscox offered him a great deal to relocate to LA where he would begin a career as a Risk Analyst. After graduation in January, Nick would be on his way. So proud. Back to work regularly at my store, at this point, things were getting back to normal for me..finally.

September is one of my favorite months. The weather is beautiful, my birthday, Joey’s birthday and business always starts to pick up as the masses return from summer vacation. The calm before the holiday storm. Unfortunately, we always miss celebrating Joe’s birthday as he is usually at some other city across the US or Canada, skating away by then. Towards the end of the month, something was stirring …. You know where. Seriously!!?? A lump was forming where my prior surgery was and I was having pain going to the bathroom again. I couldn’t fathom the fact that I could again have an issue like this. I put an urgent call into the office of my red headed friend. I arrived at his office and after a quick discussion, landed prone on the exam table for an answer. This is what I heard…”Uh-oh, No Way!” How disconcerting is that! I said “Doc… WTF!!” “Mr. Keenan, you have developed a Fistula”. Having no clue what he was talking about, he went on to explain that it was like a tubular infection in a vein, going from inside the rectum to the outside of your anus. He would have to operate again. The third operation on my butt in three months. Another overnight stay at the hospital and weeks of recuperation. An incision that would go from inside the rectum, severing the sphincter and continuing outside the anus as it follows the Fistula. Cleaning the infection out. More stitches, more pain, more problems. Why me?

I would need Sheree to help out again. Problem was that she would be away for two weeks and I had to schedule the surgery for the second week of October when she would return. The pain was becoming worse and worse as each day passed and the infection was becoming unbearable. She couldn’t get home fast enough. It was awful. Finally, I couldn’t wait to start that backwards countdown again. “Hey Doc… let’s get it…Please!” Ten, nine, eight…goodnight. After the surgery, I was in the recovery area and I think I woke up too soon! The pain was horrendous! The nurse actually had Anesthesia come in and knock me out again! Crazy! Lor was by my side as they rolled me up to my room. I think she was pretty tired of all of this too. Dr. Reds came in soon after and said that I would have to see him in about a week . The surgery went well according to him and he said that I should recover in a few weeks. Pain meds please? You betcha.

Next up: Coming Out

I wasn’t in the best of moods. Poor Lor had to take the brunt of my discomfort and her ass humor wasn’t making it any better. Haha. This was some painful shit. I have gone through nasty treatments, bone marrow aspirations, big needles, broken bones, chemotherapy, etc. Huge internal hemorrhoids take the cake. Thank God for Morphine! There was no way that I would attempt a bowel movement and thankfully the pain meds slowed down that process. I couldn’t wait for Friday morning to come. I really had no idea what to expect but the suspense was killing me. Lori stayed with me until visiting hours ended and would be back in the morning before my ten AM surgery. I spoke to the boys that evening. Nick was already out in Los Angeles on his CoOp job with the Hiscox Insurance Company and Joe back in Canada.

I had to sign all of the usual pre surgical paperwork, and after, the Surgeon came in and prepped me on the procedure, I was on my way. Dr. Aberjan was a young doctor with crazy long red hair. He seemed pretty confident and I had no other choice but to let him handle these gremlins right now. The usual count down to zero, that you never make, left me sleeping soundly and hoping for the best. I woke up in the post-op bays, groggy as expected, with the nurses poking and prodding me and performing their jobs to get me up and moving back to my room upstairs. They still had me on Morphine but that would be short lived as the Doctor let me know that the operation went well and I should recuperate within the week. I would get to go home the next day with a generous helping of extra strength Tylenol and a return exam appointment in about a week. Sitting for a few days was not recommended. I left Doylestown Hospital Saturday afternoon with high hopes that my years of hemorrhoid issues were behind me. Lol.

Well, my return home went south real quick. Do you know how much of a difference there is in the pain threshold between Morphine and Tylenol? HUGE!! I was in agony! Not only was I constipated, the swelling continued as the sutures areas inside me burned and weeped. The pain was awful! I called the doctors emergency line. Unfortunately, a script for narcotics has to be hand written and not just called in to a pharmacy. I would have to eke it out until Monday morning. The script for Percocet would be waiting at nine AM at his office. I was freaking there at 8:45. I went right to the pharmacy and then right home to medicate. The medicine gave me relief. It was like having a sword up your butt, twisting and turning, creating havoc in your rectum. The worst! I needed to rest and relax for a few more days. My follow-up with my GP was Thursday. No moving or pooping yet. No way!!

While I was recuperating, I needed to go to the store for a few hours one day. I needed to meet a good friend there to show him a big diamond for his wife. It was an urgent situation and it had to be done. He was depending on me for his anniversary, a big sale. It was a tough job. I felt feverish and the pain unbearable. I couldn’t wait to finish the sale so I could get back home in bed. My follow up with my GP was the next day. I needed rest. While I was supposed to be making progress by now, the percocet pills were the only thing keeping me sane. The pain remained unbearable. On Thursday, I drove myself to the doctors office as Lor had to work and nobody else was around. My GP Dr. Fissel began his examination of the area and gasped as he separated my cheeks. “This is not good”, he said in an urgent tone. “You need to get to the ER at Doylestown Hospital right away! My situation was grim. A Cellulitis infection was spreading throughout the rectum and deeper inside. It was a dangerous, infectious scenario that I was in. Hence the continued unbearable pain. He would call ahead to the hospital to prepare me a room and I to Lor to let her know of my predicament.It would be back into a pre-op room where I was fitted with a new IV pole and several very strong antibiotics. Cellulitis is a big thing I found out. A very painful thing. Morphine was added again…thank you! This would turn out to be a week long stay. Summer of 2017 sucked! Luckily, my friend Sherrie helped Nadine out at the store. The summer is usually slow so my absence wasn’t too bad for business. Meanwhile, one evening during my stay, the urge to have a bowel movement hit me and after two weeks, this was going to be ugly. Two young nurses were on duty that evening and I think that I left a new understanding of constipated- internal hemorrhoid stitched, need to go-respect on them. If the screaming in the bathroom didn’t impress them, the bloody toilet and the rush to get more Morphine in me woke them up real quick! ARHGGG!

As the week played out and the pain became more manageable, the Cellulitis succumbed to the relentless attack of the antibiotics and I would be a free man again. Free to sleep in my own bed and suffer on my own toilet. My ass had now been killing me for three weeks. It was time for some relief. Big relief!

Next Up: Uh-Oh… No Way!

While Nick was finishing up his last year at Temple University and Joe was living the hockey dream in Bradford, Ontario, I was contemplating life without Dr. Dave. My annual appointment to check my blood counts was coming up and I would be heading downtown for what was going to be my last appointment, most likely, with the man that saved my life. The situation at Hahnemann Hospital was tenuous at best. Their parent company, Tenet Healthcare, was in negotiation to sell the site and the hospital would likely be no more. A sad situation, not only for the multitude of employees, but the neighborhood too. Dr. Dave would be heading to the Cancer Centers of America hospital across the city with his partner Dr. Pam Crilly. They would be opening their own Bone Marrow Transplant center at that location. Unfortunately, CCA doesn’t take many insurance plans, including mine. It would be a sad day after so much had transpired between us to have to say goodbye. The appointment was uneventful though as I went through the usual blood draws, exam by the Oncology Residents and rehash of the past year with the nurses. KEENAN!! Dr. Dave’s usual entrance shout pierced the hallway as he entered the exam room. We reminisced about our journey and talked about the present, the boys, Lori and my work. I was sure going to miss him. He told me to call his new office for any reason and gave me the number. Twenty one years, side by side, we conquered the beast called CML. He would call the next week to let me know the good news. “All clear bud”, “Don’t be a stranger”. “Thanks Doc”….”For Everything”.

I cruised into the summer working hard and spending some time down at the shore. Lori would head down to LBI for extended periods of time and I would join her on the weekends. My dad used to do the same thing back in the day. A big problem with being on Chemo drugs for any extended period of time though are the lingering side effects. After taking Gleevec for so long, I had my share. Fatigue, water weight gain, bone pain and GI issues. One of the worst recurring problems that I had since I began taking the drug was… Hemorrhoids. Sometimes they were there and sometimes not. At this moment it was terrible. A Tuesday night in August, I was home alone and the pain was excruciating. By three AM, I couldn’t bear it anymore. Barely able to sit, I drove myself to Doylestown Hospital, about a ten minute ride from the house. The nurses at the front triage desk could see the amount of distress that I was in and expedited my admission sending me straight back to a room. When the doctor finally came in and examined me, the swelling inside my rectum had gotten so extreme that he needed to handle it immediately. There were two internal hemorrhoids that needed to be relieved, lanced, to alleviate the pressure. Huge blood filled vessels, like balloons waiting to be popped. This wasn’t my first trip for this issue. Two other times, external hemorrhoids had taken me to Doylestown Hospital for relief and lancing. They didn’t even come close to the situation at hand. The ER doctor grabbed his scalpel and went in to handle the problem. It didn’t go well. The hemorrhoids bled uncontrollablly. The doctor and nurses tried unsuccessfuly to pack the area with gauze and whatever else they could to stem the red tide. As the blood pooled under my body and up to my chest. I thought that I was in real danger once again. The doctor seemed to be panicking as the nurses feverishly worked to stem the bleeding. Finally, the GI surgeon on call flew in and handled the situation. Thank God! He then had me admitted to a room and told me that he would have to operate and remove the hemorrhoids. If not, they would return worse in the near future.

It was now around seven AM Wednesday morning and I was just settling in to my hospital room. Pain meds coursed through the IV in my arm, leaving me loopy, and Lor was on her way. The surgery would be on Friday morning with an additional overnight stay. It was not a fun surgery, as I was told by the nurses taking care of me. “No shit”. Literally.

Next Up: Under the Knife

Adelaide, Ida, Ma and Nonna. Lor’s mom and my mother- in- law. Nonna was a tough little Italian woman. She only stood about a hair over five feet tall but you would never know it. You always knew where she stood on things and was a force to be reckoned with. Nonna loved her grandkids, Nicky, Joey, Rianna and Julianna and always made sure that Nonno was on the ball with his cooking when the holidays came around. What always amazed me was that her hair never moved. A perfectly coffed dome, pure white and weekly attended to at the hairdresser on Morris Park Ave. Ida was a devout Catholic and a big benefactor to her church and a member her beloved St. Claire’s and Saint Dominic’s. Elephants were also very prominent in her repertoire. Elephant pins, t-shirts, jewelry, you name it. Pure Republican and very proud of it, she was the long time executive secretary to the Bronx area State Senator Guy Vallela. Ida had lots of friends. She was very involved in her community and served as an ARP rep for many years. Weekly card games were never missed as well as the many meetings she attended. When Nonno retired, she had him hopping! Many trips were made to Philly to attend most of our boys events.

I wrote before of Nonno’s accident and eventual passing. It was a very tough time on everyone, especially Nonna. She didn’t drive anymore and after Nonno passed on, Nonna depended on friends and family and NY transit to get around. It didn’t slow her down. She was a Breast cancer survivor, diagnosed in her seventies, who endured many rounds of radiation to treat her condition. You would never know it though. She fought it hard and handled it with a toughness and determined attitude. I always worried about how she would navigate up and down the seven or eight stone steps that it took to get in her house. Apparently, it wasn’t a big issue. Lori’s sister Susan really took great care of Nonna as she aged and I’m sure it wasn’t easy. She was a tough cookie! Every year Lori, I and the boys made the trek on Christmas day to the Bronx. Dinner was always awesome and Susan made enough food to feed an army. Nonna somehow always had tons of gifts for everyone, all wrapped and ready when everyone got there. QVC, Home Shopping Club and Amazon deliveries were a daily event! Nonna was definitely a VIP!

In the summer of 2016, we celebrated the sweet sixteen of my niece Julianna. A magnificent event held at the same venue where Lori and I got married. Uncle Norm and Aunt RitaMarie went all out! It was bigger than a Philly wedding! During the event, a very close family member and great friend of Ida fell ill. An ambulance was called to help. It was a scary situation and had an emotional effect on her and Nonna wanted to go home. Since the party was still going strong, I offered to give Ma a ride back to the house. We spoke of her dismay, how she missed Dad and how tired she was. When we got home, I helped her up those scary front steps and into the bedroom. I asked if she was ok and if she needed anything before she went to bed. Her words were sobering. ” No thanks. Jeff… but I think it’s time for me to go”. Seven months later, she was gone. Right after the holidays, after some other health issues, a stroke hospitalized Nonna and she passed in the beginning of 2017. Nonnas funeral was a three day event. A Wednesday night viewing, a morning and evening viewing on Thursday and a final morning viewing, service and procession to the cemetery on Friday. There were mountains of flower arrangements and an endless line of family and friends offering their respect throughout the entire event. It was quite impressive. A lot of love and respect. My brother in law Norm and his In laws were in the Memorial business. Nonna was intered in a beautiful cemetery where Nonno rested and I was honored to wait with her after everyone had adjourned to witness the sealing of the crypt. A sad day for sure. I felt so bad for Lor. Both of her parents were gone.

This would be a tough year. The start of 2017 would be just the beginning. It would be all downhill from there.

Next Up: A Real Pain in the Ass