Nick and I were on our way to our first camping trip together. In two weeks I would be leaving him to begin my Bone Marrow transplant. How could I pass up a chance to spend time camping with my 27 month old son. I loved the outdoors. I grew up in the woods behind my house. Navigating the creeks and woodlands was magical to me. I wanted to share this with my son. It might be the first and last time we would ever be able to do this.
The ride to the campground was special. Nick had his favorite music and sang along the best a two year old kid could. He loved … “Knock Three Times” ….on the ceiling…his all time favorite. ” “Sugar Sugar”…a close second and “Champagne Supernova” by Oasis. We listened to those songs every time we went out in the car. But something hit me like a brick after I was diagnosed with Leukemia. Nick loved to sing the chorus of Champagne Supernova. It was pretty much all he could keep up with. He loved singing the chorus…”We were getting high…We were getting high”. It was really cute even though the words could be, well, about getting high? But the song took on a whole new meaning to me. To this day, 24 years later, I cannot listen to the song without tearing up and getting very emotional. Like a trigger to my self diagnosed PTSD that I know I have after surviving my transplant and so much continuous mental duress in the tough years that followed.
“Wake up the dawn and ask her why…a dreamer dreams he never dies…Wipe that tear away now from your eyes….Slowly walking down the hall…Faster than a Cannonball…where were you when we were getting high… We were getting high….Someday you will find me… caught beneath a landslide… in a Champagne Supernova in the sky…a Champagne Supernova in the sky… But you and I…We live and die, the worlds still spinnin round…we don’t know why…why, why, whyyy…”
Kills me every time. Like I would lose my battle and I was caught beneath the landslide…the Champagne Supernova in the sky. And all the while if I did not make it, his world would still go on. So every minute we were together…we were getting high. We were getting high…Just being together.
We made it to the campground and Aunt Donna and Uncle Dave directed us to our campsite. We pitched our tent, set up our gear and helped Uncle Dave make a nice campfire. We loaded up on hot dogs, Snapple ice tea, baked beans and toasted marshmallows. A somewhat gastronomically deadly combination for someone on Leukemia meds. Also a bad idea to give your two year old a lot of Snapple Ice tea.
Finally around 11 pm we called it a night and got into our tents to go to sleep. I brought a couple of books to read to Nick and when I finished reading them to him, he was finally getting sleepy. I was exhausted. Anyhow, he was still up and squirming around about one AM. If I fell asleep and he didn’t, would he try to go out into the dark, I wondered? Soooo…..I zipped the entry to the top of the tent door and tied a string of knots to keep the zippers together so he couldn’t get out. Seemed like a great idea. About two AM he was finally asleep and so was I. So I thought.
The combination of dinner in my belly was churning and suddenly about to explode like Mount Vesuvius! This was bad! I had no toilet paper….we were far from the latrine…it was pitch black out and I couldnt get the knots out that I tied the zippers together with! OMG! I grabbed my knife, sliced a hole in the door of the tent, grabbed my flashlight and took off for the nearest tree! Leaves would be my go to toilet paper.
There were lots of noises out there in the dark. Pretty unnerving. I just had to get it over with. All of a sudden there was a rush of footsteps in the leaves pretty close to me. A wolf? A bear? A raccoon? A deadly savage rabid animal hunting me, eyeing me, through the trees. I saw a shadow darting by. Kinda looked familiar though. I whispered… Nick? As the figure darted by again this savage was more like a laughing, giggling Hyena. I could have killed him. I had to chase him running through the darkness. When I caught this animal…NICK… we retreated into the tent where he promptly fell asleep and I would lay there just watching him sleep all night long.
So long story short…I never slept. I carried him about a quater mile on my shoulders to the lake at daybreak. He caught his first fish ever, got bored, and then poured an entire bottle of suntan lotion over his head before 7:30 am. The camping experience was over. I wiped as much lotion off of him as I possibly could. Put him back on my shoulders and trekked the quarter mile back to the campsite. Loaded him in his car seat and headed home… two days early. He fell asleep immediately on the ride home and slept the whole way back. We pulled into the driveway by eight AM. Lori was still sleeping and had locked the storm doors so we were locked out of the house. After several calls, and about thirty minutes later, she finally answered her phone and unlocked the door. It was just enough time though, to watch my beautiful baby boy sleep and we listened to Champagne Supernova a couple more times. Slowly walking down the hall…faster than a Cannonball… We were getting high. I could have sat there forever.
Next up: The final preparations and a potentially Oscar winning film.