The morning started out as usual. More bloodwork, more meds, a breakfast that I couldn’t eat. A nurse’s aid would come in to help me get out of bed to try to walk around the ten square foot space available to me. That was rough. Trying to navigate anything with the menagerie of tubes emanating from my chest was a real joy. I would invariably end up on my porta potty trying to move something into the bowl. Between the constipation caused by the Morphine and the total lack of any palatable solid foods, it was a tough sell.
I hadn’t had a shower in almost a month now. Washcloth or sponge baths, as they were called, were the norm and a new toothbrush was supplied everyday along with one of those kidney shaped yellow bowls to spit into. Worse was the constant fight to live with the contraption coming out of my chest. It was heavy and attached to all of the IV tubes delivering all of the meds 24/7. It always pulled at my skin and I would constantly worry about it coming out, even though it was stitched into me. A nurse showed me how to make a lanyard out of the strings of a hospital gown to alleviate the weight and pulling on my chest. It worked pretty well but broke easily and would need to be replaced all of the time. Plus, the area where the catheter entered my aorta had to be constantly cleaned as the wound could become easily infected.
This particular day was going to get worse though. One of the residents stopped in to let me know that Dr. Dave would be in to see me soon. This was a daily ritual but today he was giving me a heads up. It was time for another bone marrow aspiration. Great. I feel like crap. I’m very weak. I can barely eat. And now I’m going to get skewered again. It just doesn’t get any better than this. Here we go again. Assume the position Jeff. Son of a Bitch! It’s another one in the books. Thanks Dr. Dave. I really, really, really, hated that procedure. I think that I had about ten aspirations between my diagnoses in May and my departure from the hospital in September. Unfortunately, there were many more to come.
By the time Lori had finished work and arrived for her daily visit, I was not a pleasure to be around. My mood was changing and not for the better. You get to a point where things just really suck. Even though my numbers were rising and there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t see it. I didn’t really want to talk. I missed Nick so much. I was so worried about Lor too. She was nine months pregnant now. She was under so much stress. Coming down to the hospital everyday, working full time, ready to have a baby, and taking care of Nick, OMG! Pressure? I would say so. But I didnt make it any better for her that day. I think that I kind of lost it. Lashed out for no reason. They say ” You only hurt the one’s you love”. Well, I did a good job. It was a short visit. A day that I wish I could erase from history. Like many others recent and many more to come.
Next up: The Videophone