Month: June 2020

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His name is Joseph

Everything was moving at a pretty fast pace. The Hydroxeurea was doing its job for now and had lowered my white blood count to 26k in the three weeks that I had taken it. Sounds great but this drug only works for a short period of time. This is known. Dr. Topolsky arranged appointments for my family to receive blood tests to see if a match would be possible for my Transplant. Things were rolling along. The anticipation of the results was driving me crazy. It would be about two weeks. A positive match was crucial to my survival.

And my wife…she was wonderful. Working everyday, taking care of business around the house and five months into her pregnancy. Just amazing. I know she was hurting too. Same questions, same anxieties and probably the same mantra..”why me”. She never showed it though. Tough Italian girls from the Bronx are a rare breed. I was blessed to marry one.

Lori requested a special, non-scheduled, appointment to have another ultrasound done so we could find out the sex of our baby. She explained the circumstances to the OBGYN and they agreed to set it up. It had to be as soon as possible. In a few days we would find out.

The ultrasound tech knew why we were there when we walked into the exam room. The time had come to meet my unborn child. I would be going into the hospital, if everything went as expected, months before the baby was born. With 50/50 survival odds, I or we had a chance of never meeting. Can you imagine?

Well, after a couple minutes of preparation the verdict was in. No balloon popping, no cake cutting, no whatever reveal method you could think of. This was 1996. This was my miracle. If I had been diagnosed five months earlier we probably wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. After the transplant, it could never happen. The intense chemo would render me incapable. And there it was. The ultrasound screen showed us another beautiful baby boy! Coming soon…due around September 30th.

His name would be Joseph.

Up next: The Results Are In.

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Officially a Cancer Patient and a special Ultrasound

It felt good to be home. So thankful for my employees who were taking care of my business. I had no time at this point to focus on anything but the immediate future and what would soon transpire. The business was running well and I had faith in my people.

I called Dr. Topolsky’s office and scheduled my first appointment right away as instructed and would be seen in a few days. The office in Hanahmen Hospital was that of Dr. I Brodsky and Associates and named for Philadelphia Flyer Barry Ashbee who passed from Leukemia during his career. Specifically the ” Philadelphia Flyers Fight For Lives” cancer center. It would become my main health hub for the next 22 years. Hated the traffic though.

The next few days were just a whirlwind of phone calls to and from family, friends, business associates. Insurance companies…you name it. There was no time to pity myself anymore, although the “Why me?” mantra had settled in quite well. “Why me ?”…who knows. Since I was the only one of my lifelong friends who never drank, never smoked, never did drugs, etc,etc. They all vowed to continue with their vices since, well, maybe I hadn’t poisoned my body enough! Thanks!

The waiting room at I. Brodsky on the 15th floor was bustling. Apparently, cancer was a big business. Lori had escorted me on the appointment and we signed in and began filling out mounds of paperwork. After a while I was called back by a nurse to start the process of my first appointment as a cancer patient. First stop the scale…ugh. 185 ok. Next the blood draw seat…Across from the scale. 10 vials of blood later, I’m off to an exam room and a 25 minute wait. Every appointment started with an exam by an Oncology resident and some questions…the same for over twenty years. But this was different. This was my first appointment.

Dr. Dave Topolsky, nice to meet you Mr. Keenan as he shook my hand.. That would change quickly to Dr. Dave or just Dave and of course Jeff or KEEENNANN! He was a phenomenal guy. He was different. Avid rock climber and outdoorsman. Long curly black hair and beard…grateful dead esque. From Northeast Philly. Gave it to you straight. Always..well almost always..upbeat. He laid it out to me quickly. Lots of bloodwork to come.. Your siblings, your parents and anyone else after that if needed. Needed to find a matching donor. ASAP! Dave explained that it was important to move quickly before the disease could advance to the Blast Crisis phase. There was no cure for that. The bone marrow transplant was my only choice to survive. Or not. The transplant had a 50/50 chance of survival during the procedure and a 50/50 chance after. After a long question and answer session,there was the obligatory bone marrow Aspiration. Here we go again. Grab the top of the table as tight as possible, curl your toes at the end of the table…you know the drill. And here it comes…Motherf$@%#@!

That was enough for the first trip. Set up the next appointment, down the elevator. When we made it to the car, I looked at Lors bulging baby bump and I said to my wife that we needed to have an ultrasound done. I needed to find out what was cooking in there so we could unofficially meet and give a name to this child whom I might never get to meet. She agreed to set it up. Another exhausting day. Time to get home and squeeze my sonny boy Nick. Much needed therapy.

Next up: His name is Joseph

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Finishing Florida and the Call Seals the Deal.

The week in Florida wore on as the reality of the situation sat on my shoulders like the rays of the Orlando sun … Relentless. A few days by the pool just relaxing, conversing with friends and playing with Nick helped the time pass by. We enjoyed dinners out and a few more parks and sights to see, as these diversions helped to pull me away from the darkness.

At night, I entered into an alternate state of despair. With Nick tucked in and sleeping soundly, my attention and my anguish was directed towards another major facet in this fight. As my wife Lori lay beside me I would put my hand on her big belly and try to connect with the little person growing inside. With four more months to go the questions would run on in my head like a broken record. ” Will I ever get to meet my child”? Will they ever get to meet their dad? What would he or she look like? Will I ever get to hold my baby? It just wasn’t my future I was worried about. It was theirs. How would they grow up without me? How could I leave my wife so young to raise the kids on her own? We had to get home and get this show on the road. I needed more answers, more education and more time at home to be able to process this mess.

As we prepared to make our way back home, the call from Dr. Terzian came in. The Bone Marrow Aspiration confirmed the diagnoses. I Had Cancer. I asked him if this was one hundred percent certain as far as the lab testing was concerned. Was there any way that they could be wrong. A Hail Mary question I guess. He told me that I could always get another opinion but he was very certain. I would not have to see him again as he recommended me to a young Oncologist at Hanahmen Hospital in the city named Dr. David Topolsky. He would begin the process of testing myself and my family first as potential donors for a potential Bone Marrow Transplant. Dr. Dave wasn’t playin…as soon as I got home… I needed to be there. No delays.

We thanked the Selvaggios for graciously having us and helping us navigate this crazy week with what should have been a fun filled vacation and get together. Who would have known. The trek back to Pa. was on. Another two days of driving with my eyes focused more on the rear view mirror than on the road ahead of me. Staring at my beautiful baby boy. Staring at my beautiful baby boy.😔

Next: An ultrasound and I am officially a Cancer Patient.

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Never Never Quit

The conversation at Aunt Michele’s was solemn but informative. Well as informative as we could be at the time and it wasn’t very much. Nick was finally asleep and we spoke about my pending situation into the night until I had to excuse myself. I was mentally and physically exhausted. It was a long trip. I needed to sleep. Lori and Michele were friends for years and years. Best friends from the Bronx. They would catch up for a while and I’m sure Lor needed some time alone without me to talk about how she was feeling. Old friends are good for that.

We got an early start. A quick breakfast and on our way to Orlando. About a 30 minute ride and there it was! Disney World! Nick was so excited! I had never been there either so we were set to go. I kept my best smile face on as best as I could as we rode the rides and went to the attractions and ate fun food. And then…The Lion King Show. Nick loved the Lion King. It was great. A phenomenal show and Nick was loving it! I was holding him up in front of me so he could see better. Then it happened. The scene where Simba watches his father Mustafa die in the stampede while saving him in the last second. It tore me apart. Not knowing if I would be around for him, to save him, to be there for whatever he would need. How could that happen? Only one or two years to live? This wasn’t real was it? Just a baby watching your father die? I pressed my nose to the back of Nicks neck. I smelled his hair, his sweat, his beautiful baby soft skin. And I just kept breathing it in. He didn’t see the tears flowing down my cheeks. The way I was shaking and grabbing him so tight. It was traumatic in the moment for me and I never ever forgot that smell. That incomprehensible feeling of guilt that I would deprive him of a father at such a young age. I had to get out of there. Thank God it was almost over. I held on tight and just kept it together. No way I was leaving my boy. Not now, not ever.

Nick never realized the trauma I was experiencing behind him. He was too young to grasp the situation and he wouldn’t know anything about my battle for a long time. As the day wore down, of course we had to stop in the gift shop. Mickey T’s and Disney Collectibles and of course whatever Nick wanted. As I wandered around the shop waiting for Lori to finish up I noticed a quartz rock that was inscribed with what would stick with me as my mantra for 24 years….”Never Never Quit” it said. This rock would follow me every step of my way. It was gospel. It was true. I would ” Never Never Quit” …that was for sure.

Next up: My wife was 5 months pregnant.

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The Next Leg.

I was pretty tired the next morning. My right hip was aching from the Bone Marrow Aspiration that skewed me deep into my hip bone. It was not a pleasant experience. The pain when the huge needle pierces the bone and the moment the Marrow begins to be exracted by the huge syringe is awful. I grabbed the table with my fingers at the top and my toes at the bottom and held on for dear life. I’m sure others who experienced a bone marrow aspiration can fill you in. This was my first. After 6 more years I think the count topped out at more than twenty five procedures. A real “Pain in the Ass”! When I got home I took a few ibuprofin and my new drug Hydroxeurea. This drug would help reduce my CBC- White cell count, currently at 55k. Normal is 6k to 10 k. With CML Leukemia, your white cell count uncontrollablly grows into the millions rendering your immune system unable to fight infection. The multitudes of new white cells are just too immature to help you survive.

Lori, Nick and I packed up the car to finish our journey. A longer leg from Richmond to Lake Mary Florida where Aunt Michele was waiting to greet our sullen crew. Another rough trip. Tears in my eyes, trying to keep Nick in the dark and make him laugh. He had no clue. Two and a half years old, so smart,so cute, so happy. He was my world. We’re gonna have a great week for him. And hopefully, Lori and I. I figure that I’ll give this predicament a few days to sink in and then I’ll need to get over it. The battle will begin soon and there will be no way that I’m losing it! We’re here! Hi Aunt Michele and Uncle Ed! Let’s do this Disney vaca. We’re ready y’all!

Next up: Mickey and the Lion King.

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Breaking the news

Lori went back to her office to wrap up some office issues she had left to handle before our departure to sunny Florida. I couldn’t imagine what state of mind she was in after she left the hospital. My job now was to break this fabulous news to my parents and family. It was about a half hour drive to my their home in Fort Washington, PA. This setback would, of course, delay our departure but this news was too important to tell them over the phone. This development was going to rock their world in a terrible way. We have such a great, loving family and although no family is perfect…we were pretty tight. This news would test this to the limit.

I pulled in the driveway and hesitantly exited my car and walked in the door. They were waiting for me to arrive, no idea why, since my call to them was very vague. “I have Leukemia”, I told them. As I began to explain the diagnosis and treatment options, the pain I could see in their faces was causing me to cry and they began also as the reality of the situation sank in. This was just unbelievable. I had a great business, a wonderful wife, beautiful son and now only four months until the birth our second child. Why me? Never smoked, never drank, never did drugs Just bought a new house. What the F**#k?? Why??

We cried, we hugged, we spoke positive thoughts and we vowed to do everything in our power to win this unknown battle that I was about to face. We all were about to face. Back in the car, as I pulled away, my focus needed to center on getting on the road to Richmond, VA. This was our first stopover on the way to Disney. A seven hour ride that would turn out to be the hardest ride of my life. What was supposed to be such a joyous occasion today, became a vacation that could literally turn out to be the last ever with my family.

The car was loaded…the gas tank full….the emotions were intense and with complete innocence Nick said let’s go dad! The next seven hours I drove down I95 South with tears streaming down my face. The whole time staring in the rearview mirror at my beautiful baby boy. I was contemplating the worst thing I could ever imagine. Not seeing my kids grow up. Not being there for them …as babies…as little boys.. as teenagers and young men. What I would miss. What they would miss. My wife tried to soothe me and talk positively. As worried as I knew she was, she tried her best to calm me down.

We made it to the Fairfield Inn around seven and just dropped on the bed. Nick was out quickly. I never slept, I couldn’t. My mind was racing and I couldn’t take my eyes off of Nick and Lori as they slept. How would I protect them if I wasn’t here anymore. It was 11 pm. The end of a very, very, long day.

Next Up: The Next Leg

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The Beginning of a long long day.

The twenty five minute ride to Frankford Hospital in Northeast Philadelphia seemed endless. Speculation ran rampant during my ride. How could they screw up my bloodwork? Why did I need to go directly to the hospital? Right away, with hardly an explanation? My wife would soon meet me at the hospital for the appointment.

I was to see a Hematologist/ Oncologist…Dr. Lor Terzian. My first encounter after filling out the normal mound of pre visit paperwork would be the phlebotomist who needed to take endless vials of blood…it seemed. Lori and I were introduced to Dr. Terzian and led into an examination room. The doctor asked me many questions about my extended family, my son, my history and probed my body looking for what, I did not know. We then were led to Dr. Terzians office and asked to relax until he returned.

Needless to say I was anxious and terrified at the same time. What was going on? Upon Dr. Terzians return, he sat down and said ” There is no easy way to tell you this…you have Leukemia. Specifically CML. Chronogenic Mylogenous Leukemia.” The new bloodwork reaffirmed Dr. Cieckos suspicions that there was definitely an issue. There most certainly was.

The doctor followed up his diagnosis with the fact that conventionally and with current therapies, I may only have one or two years to live. Possibly longer with a very dangerous operation called a bone marrow transplant provided a genetic match could be found to be able to do the transplant. His demeanor was somewhat somber as we asked him a few questions about a cancer diagnosis of CML. I needed so much information at this point. He asked me if I would allow him to perform a bone marrow aspiration. This was needed to evaluate my situation further. We would move forward and adjourn to another exam room.

Dr Terzian then performed the bone marrow aspiration. This extremely painful test is done to extract and assess bone marrow from an inner portion of your hip bone. After the procedure, I was bandaged up, felt like I was hit by a baseball bat and told that the results would take about ten days. The office would be in touch with me soon. Dr. Terzian gave me a drug called Hydroxyuria to be taken daily for 2 weeks, wished me well and told me to try to enjoy my vacation in Disneyland…. as best as possible.

I walked Lori to her car…hugged her and told her we would be OK. We would meet back at our house after I took a ride to my parents house. I went back to my car, watched my wife drive away…then broke down and cried.

It was 10:30 am. The day was just beginning. There was a long way to go…starting with hugging my son and not letting go…ever.

Next up: Breaking it to the family and driving to Richmond, Va.

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The Phone Call

May, 23rd 1996

Preparations for our trip were going well. The car was packed the night before and the excitement was evident as it was hard to fall asleep that night. Our first family vacation together, we couldnt wait to get going. Nick was going to see Mickey Mouse for the first time and my beautiful wife Lori would be making the trip 5 months pregnant with our second child tagging along for the ride. We decided to be surprised again, boy or girl, like when Nick was born, so no name yet for baby number two. Great things were happening for us! Departure time was approximately 11 am and we were set to go!

The next morning as we were making our final preparations for our departure, the phone rang. Quite early though, around 8 am. My wife answered the phone and told me that it was Dr. Ciecko. He needed to speak with me. Hmm. Mr. Keenan, he said with his quiet voice, we would like for you to come in this morning to Aria hospital to recheck your bloodwork. That there were some inconsistencies in the blood sample and they wanted to repeat them. Of course, I asked if we could wait until we returned from our trip. We were ready to leave shortly and it would be inconvenient to go there at this time. Sternly and direct Dr. Ciecko told me that the appointment was already set for nine am and I needed to be there. This was very disconcerting and needless to say very upsetting. Lori and I asked our neighbors to watch Nick for us since she already had plans to stop by her work for a couple minutes and I needed to head to the hospital. What could be so urgent? Something is not good, I thought. My mind was going a mile a minute. This day was not be starting out the way we thought it would be. Lori would meet me at Frankford Torresdale Hospital.

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Just Rolling

May 21st 1996

Life was good. Business was good. I had just a bit of a cold that wouldn’t leave me alone. Nick, my son was 2 1/2 years old. A happy, healthy young boy who couldn’t wait to leave for our trip to Disney World in a couple of days. We were driving down to Florida and staying with great friends near Orlando for ten days. A much needed vacation we were really looking forward to.

But first, a quick trip to the doctor. The first time in many years that I had been to a doctor. I needed to get something for this nagging cough before we left. I set up an appointment with a nearby office and was to see a brand new physician that was new to the practice, Dr. Ciecko. A nice, soft spoken man, Dr. Ciecko examined me and prescribed an antibiotic for my condition. We spoke about a few health related tests that I should be thinking about. I was 35 years old and told the doctor that I had a family history of colon cancer. Dr. Ciecko thought it might be wise to draw some bloodwork in case I wanted to have a colonoscopy done in the future. A quick trip to the lab and I was done with my visit. Thanks, Dr. Ciecko.

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Surviving CML- LEUKEMIA

I’ve been told that I should write a book. My Doctors have told me that I am one of the longest living survivors of this insidious disease that for so long was a death sentence.

I decided to initiate a blog to tell my story and maybe bring hope and health to those newly diagnosed with CML or one of the varieties of Leukemia or commiserate with those who are currently living with the disease for the short and long term.

My name is Jeff Keenan and I have been dealing with CML for 27 years. My blog will tell you my story of this roller coaster ride of emotional and physical ups and downs, scares and suffering, triumphs and elation, tears and joy.

I hope that my experiences and their outcomes will help those in need of answers to the long term management and life living with this disease.

I will chronicle my journey in great detail through my blog from beginning to my current situation…27 years as of May, 23rd 1996. You never forget the day when an Oncologist tells you that you may only have one to two years to live.

I am new to blogging and hope to master the concept as well as be able to discuss and give helpful advice, good vibes, and pertinent info to all.

Jeff